Sweet prayers

From my Facebook post October 28th...
At breakfast this morning, Maryelle gestured that she wanted to pray! She’s not using her own language yet, but she’s getting better at repeating. This was such an encouragement and reminder that God has a special purpose for this little girl!! She has such a sweet and funny personality!
It's been awhile since I've updated- so here's the latest. The last couple of months have brought many ups and downs. We have had appointment after appointment with doctors and therapist
s. Maryelle was misdiagnosed in China. She does not have mild cerebral palsy. Instead, she has a genetic syndrome called CHARGE which encompasses numerous birth defects. We are still in process of assessing how she is impacted by these defects: ears/hearing, left eye degeneration, heart, shoulder/neck region. Maryelle’s language retrieval and use is progressing abnormally slow and it’s only with time that we’ll know whether the CHARGE syndrome has affected her cognitively. There are still upcoming tests: spinal cord MRI, brain MRI, ABR hearing test,(12/29) ear CT, and an assessment by developmental specialists at the Waisman Center (3/30/16) [I won’t elaborate on the numerous things that they’re looking for in these tests!]. We’ve begun assessment through the school district and so there will be more services in addition to her current PT, OT and Speech that will help M grow and reach her potential. Everyone that we have worked with has been really wonderful and so caring with Maryelle.

As we have been wading through tests and results that we hoped to never hear, we have remained confident in God and His plan for Maryelle to be our daughter. She brings so much joy to our lives and fills our home with the best silly faces, smiles and laughter EVER. The other morning, she woke up with an upset tummy and for two hours snuggled into my arms as I rocked and comforted her. I was emotionally overcome by the fact that this was the first time she had a mama to hold her for comfort when she was sick.
 Did I also mention that although she’s quite developmentally behind that she’s also very 4?!? So life is filled with silliness, songs, potty emergencies and plenty of opinion and stubbornness!ha And yes, this all can be communicated very well without words!

First time painting!



Newest member of the family: Toby the kitten.



She loves 'washing' dishes.

First gyro & fry at Parthenon's!

 

A special first day of school

Early last August, we received our approval to go forward with adopting. It was a hectic time, so we pushed the 'pause' button and decided to wait for the first day of school to focus our time and attention on the process of bringing a little one into our family. 

After the kids left for school last year, I sat down to my computer to begin the paperwork.  I immediately got sidetracked to our agency's recent list of waiting orphans.  It was on that morning, on the first day of school one year ago, that I saw her face.  I watched the 60 second video of this little girl, half a world away, and she began to capture my heart.  Did I know immediately that she was going to be my daughter?  No.  But that morning I saved the link to her file.  And then God used numerous ways to show us that she was to be ours.  An orphan no more, but a daughter, and a Flottmeyer!

Fast forward one year, with loads of paperwork and a trip to China behind us.  On the first day of school and in the quietness that was left after the big kids got on the bus, Miss Maryelle looked at me and called me MAMA for the first time. MAMA!!

Is this what I had pictured a year ago? Yes and no.  Over the past few weeks we have learned that Maryelle was misdiagnosed in China and that her needs are more numerous and complex than we anticipated. We're working on our acceptance and understanding of what the future holds for our little one. But what we are certain of is that our gracious God holds her future in HIS hands. And yes, we get the joy of hearing our baby girl say Mama and Daddy and for our family to share in that love.  Oh, and I should add in that her other most said name is Caleb! (remember how she despised him when she first got home??)

So the first day of school for 2015 begins with a high school freshmen, a 7th grader, a 3rd grader, and a 4 year old who's learning the meaning of having a family.  Here's to a great school year!

PS- for those of you who'd like a medical update: The birth defects and physical anomalies point to genetic syndromes rather than (or in addition to) cerebral palsy.  In the next month we have appointments with a geneticist, neurologist, audiologist, ENT, physical therapist, speech therapist (we already saw the ophthalmologist, PT Dr, and OT therapist.) We appreciate your prayers as the doctors unravel the mysteries of Miss Maryelle's body.
 









 

Home 2 weeks

I'm writing this update with Miss Maryelle sitting on the couch next to Hannah, watching her first Packer game in between bouts of giggling with her sister. In a way it's hard to believe that two weeks have gone by.   On the other hand, it's been a very long two weeks!!  We certainly appreciate all of the giggles in the last few days, but boy was it a rough start to this big family change!
Maryelle's personality is delightful.  She's spunky, funny, full of smiles and loves to laugh.  We see more of this each day as she feels more secure and loved.  In many aspects, M is developmentally functioning around an 18-24 month old.  Here's a little glimpse of where M was when we brought her home:  No language, just Chinese baby babble.   She had never seen or been in grass.  She was petrified of the feel, plus she was physically unstable in it.  She was/is scared of water.  Her 'bath' was in a small plastic baby tub where she essentially received sponge baths her whole life.  She had no books and very few toys at the orphanage.  Boys [such as the size of Ike and Caleb] must have been the bullies of the orphanage, so she didn't want either of her brothers near her.
So what difference does 2 weeks make?  After slowly and persistently exposing her to these things...This morning she saw Isaac out on the trampoline and walked all on her own, through the grass, to get out on the trampoline with him.  (She's even gained enough strength that she can stand on the trampoline now without falling.)  Yesterday, while eating watermelon, she put two pieces on her fork, held them up and loudly announced 'two!' with a smile.  She has started bringing books to us to read to her. And earlier in the week she asked to get in the bathtub midday just to play in the water. Her disdain for Caleb seems to be ebbing and she will run around the house playing pretend Nerf gun fights.  These may be small things, but they're pretty big in the life of our family!
Maryelle had her first doctor's appointment yesterday to assess her Cerebral Palsy and overall health.  More assessments will need to be done to figure out how this special girl is made and is functioning.  Next appointments are with an audiologist (we're suspecting hearing loss), ENT, ophthalmologist, neurologist and likely a geneticist.  In the next few weeks she will begin physical therapy and then other therapy plans will be put into place once the assessments are done. 
Again, we can't express how much your prayers, messages and meals have meant to us.  They've encouraged us during challenging days.  THANK YOU!

HOME!!

29 hours of travel: a flat tire on our transport to Hong Kong, 2 hours sitting on the tarmac in HK, 17 hours in the plane, missed connection to Madison, no available seats, car rental and drive home arriving at 10pm Thursday night.  Finally!!
Maryelle greeted her siblings with big smiles and naturally went into their arms.  What an answer to prayer!  She has been playing with them and especially loves to be tickled.  We're now beginning the adjustment to being a family of 6 and having a 4 year old in the house!  We'll spend these next few weeks cocooning and building an understanding of family for Maryelle.  Language and functioning developmentally as a 2 year old are big hurdles right now.
We can't thank you enough for all of the messages and support you have shown us over these past few weeks!!  We're so grateful for you and look forward to Maryelle having you in her life.

 

Our days in Guangzhou

We’ve been in Guangzhou 5+ days now.  Tomorrow we start our trip home!  (24 hours worth of traveling, so we’d appreciate your prayers through this!)

Maryelle’s sweet smiles get us through the roller coaster days.  We are quickly learning that this is not a sprint.  Slow and steady wins the race.  Four years of negative learned behavior, four years of little to no nurturing and love.  Change doesn’t happen overnight.  But by God’s grace not only will Maryelle’s life be changed, but so will ours.

So what have we learned about Miss Maryelle in this past week and a half?  Yes, she has lots of obstacles to overcome, but this girl is so ready to be loved.  She is holding on tight and soaking in every ounce that Andy and I give her.  Last night we were going through photos of the kids trying to get her used to seeing their faces.  She actually repeated their names!  Now this is huge because she hardly has any understandable sounds.  And sure, their names weren’t clear, but it’s a start!  The orphanage described her as sweet, active, loving and stubborn.  So far this is pretty accurate!  She has a spunky personality and is really quite comical. 

We’ve had a really busy schedule of activities while we’ve been in Guangzhou.  Maryelle has experienced more in the last 5 days than her entire life!  She has done very well with being on the go and likes being in her stroller taking in everything around her.  We’re (more than) ready now to get home and get settled into real life!  For our family to finally be together!!  This transition will pose new fears and adjustments for her (and all of us), but these next few weeks will be the foundation for building her understanding of a family.  A FAMILY.  A hope.  A future.  We can’t wait to see what God has in store. 

Orphanage visit

We've only begun to process our visit to Maryelle's orphanage. The Yinghang Children's Institution in the Anhui province. It's extreme poverty in this area. Since Maryelle was abandoned on the steps of the institution at 8 months, it is likely that the family could not afford medical care for her. It's unfathomable to think of having to make that choice. But her family loved her enough to give her the chance to live. 

My mind is still reeling from this brief glimpse into my daughter's world. A small room with 8 special needs children, one nanny, 8 cribs lining the walls and one toy. The hallways held children who were wandering, looking for something that wouldn't be found. There was an activity room that held a small pile of toys on the floor and a few tables where some basic schooling is done. There is nothing past kindergarten. There are no books. 

We learned that Maryelle's nanny (since her arrival) is uneducated and speaks poor Mandarin with a heavy local dialect. We were told that her main communication with the kids was just to give commands for eating, sleeping etc. It is no wonder that Maryelle doesn't have even basic Chinese language; she was never engaged enough to use it. 

I could go on, but will share more about the orphanage at another time. 

Maryelle clung to Andy and I the entire time. She didn't want to smile, she didn't even want to be put down. She had that same panicked look in her eyes that we saw on her Gotcha Morning. She didn't want to be left there ever again. This week has been difficult, and all sorts of thoughts have gone through our minds about this calling that God put on our lives. But Andy and I walked out of that broken and dark pit with the clarity that this child's life is to be redeemed and that God is using us in the greater story that He has purposed. 

We were able to take a suitcase filled with stuffed animals and toys for the kids, plus apples for everyone. We were told that this was better than a holiday for the children and it would be a day they would never forget. So little to us, so big to them. 

Working on attachment

It’s Andy here tonight with the update. It’s Wednesday evening, and we are settling down.    It continues to be a roller coaster process, yet there have been more highs than lows, especially today.   First off, we really haven’t enjoyed Hefei and really look forward to moving one to our final stage in Guangzhou.   Sleep is coming easy to Maryelle and I, yet Ellen struggling to settle her mind with the many challenges ahead.  There surely are many hurdles for Maryelle with both mind and body.   Not only is balance an issue with her CP, but we recognize other physical and emotional, issues to be addressed.  As for cognitive, we guess she is likely at 1 ½-2 years old.    Maryelle has displayed minimal vocabulary but each day we are hearing a little more of her voice.  She loves to play, be tickled, and loves to ride in the stroller.  

Maryelle continues to attach well to both Ellen and I.   She loves to hold our hands during walks, always checks that we are both around, and loves to give us smiles while others get a serious stare.   As for food, there is nothing she has pushed aside.  Not only the local fare, she has gained acceptance to cold milk, McDonalds hamburger / chicken nuggets / French fries, Subway’s Spicy Italian sub (Flottmeyer favorite) including chipotle dressing, and of course ice cream.   Ellen will concur; she’s already agreed that all ice cream needs to be taste tested by dad.   It’s a good standard to start early 😊.  

My mentor Roger and I reviewed a chapter titled “Of four things which bring great peace” from Thomas A Kempis’s, The Imitation of Christ.   A line that caught my reflection went:  “Wish always and pray that the will of God be fulfilled in thee”.    My journey over the past 20 years as a Christ follower was to look through scripture to see God’s will and walk in obedience.  The “wish always” seemed to be out of context.  Through this adoption journey, I’ve wished for many “good” things: a quick adoption process, clarity on choosing our adoptive child, a smooth transition to our family, a deeper understanding of the redemption story, Maryelle’s profession of faith in Jesus, and on and on.   Many things I’ve wished…..and some have occurred, some are still to come, and others have failed.   Or have they failed?   What we expect to be the results don’t always mean fulfillment.   A child has been pulled from a dark and broken place, and life will never be the same for me.   As I told Ellen today, I’m thankful for this journey and God’s will that’s being fulfilled in my life and my family.